my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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