My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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