so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
