My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
