Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I understand Curling. That high.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
