I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
