who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The feeling are messing with the penis
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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