Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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