i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
