He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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