Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
