Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
