yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
