I think im going to throw up on grandma
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize