No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Shame is for Republicans.
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