the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
