why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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