is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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