Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
