when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
