too bad you live with your parents still
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
