As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
