Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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