I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
