My friends, they love my intelligence
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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