i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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