i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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