were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
