k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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