I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
