Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
