My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
