Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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