Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That accounts for only three of the penises
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
