I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
