good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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