something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
