Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
