her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize