Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize