i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
