I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
