i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize