You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
