I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
