I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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