There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
