Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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