Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
