just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
