is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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