Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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