she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
