I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
