my mouth tastes like poor choices
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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