Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
