I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
