Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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