You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize