YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
