i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
