If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
