My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
