my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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