And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
