i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
