my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
