Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
