Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
