At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
we're so committed to being not committed
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
